Trying NOT to be a whiny complainer

But I had a small unfill on Tuesday, which felt fabulous as I can now eat without gagging on pretty much everything. And while it was only 0.2 ml out...apparently I think I can eat the entire kitchen.

First few days was fine, but I know that I had started to develop some bad eating habits as I couldnt keep things down, and still lost weight. But of course some were things that I shouldnt be eating. My weight went up slightly this week but I will be trying to rectify that.

Now that I had an unfill I seem to be able to eat anything and seem really hungry....bah. I appear to have taken up grazing a bit too. I have already had two breakfasts and it's only 10.00am.

So this week I am going to concentrate on using my portion control and sticking to meal times, water etc. and try and weed out those bad habits I had allowed in.

I also had a counselling session this week which was really helpful as the last few months (outside of weightloss) have been really stressful. So it was good to get another persons view of it and that my food reactions were normal considering what was going on.

We sort of touched on the fact that self forgiveness is not a stong point for obese people when they eat something they think they shouldnt. And for band patients to see that, "ok you ate some chocolate, but did you eat the 1 kilo pack?" unlike pre band! That no it was just a bar, or several pieces.

I know it is something I really struggle with is accepting that some of the things I am doing now are what normal people do when stressed, I am not being useless and sabotaging the band but stressed.

Bearing in mind when she saw me pre band she actually had to tell me to take some time off work I was that stressed about all the things going on and while this has slowed down, there have been all new stresses. Since September I have had two deaths, (and thus an unexpected expensive trip to the UK) office move departments, two new direct bosses (and will get another one in a few months). Oh and hubby has had to go back on fulltime anti depressants (he has chemical imbalance depression) so a few weeks of him being down and worried. Oh and from Feb - Sept last year I looked after my terminal father.

Ack writing it down makes it icky cos none of this is any one persons fault and I don't begrudge much of it and would do it again. But I know that work in particular is a huge strain and if hubby wasnt so unhappy in his, I would leave in a moment and that often I feel like I am running on empty. Even Xmas break didnt really refuel my enthusiasm.

Maybe it is time to really take a break but financially that would be pretty tough, not to mention I would loose good work conditions I possibly wouldnt get back.

 

Welcome to a scenic tour of my regular walking spot

So I thought I would take you on a photo tour of some of my daily walk, generally I walk in our local botanical garden.

Last Sunday I took hubby on a tour of the much heard of tortures walks. We went really early, before it got hot and surprisingly it was quite enjoyable....and he wants to do it again.

 A view from the top on a week day

Followed by a weekend visit!

  The cute great white gorilla....
(unfortunately he was taking all the pics and I take lousy shots)

 My favourite An uphill path

Me, politely gesturing to the camera man whilst climbing the gentle hill
(it's steeper than it looks)

A sculpture "Body to soul"...I watched while hubby walked up it

(in other words I was gasping for breath while he still had energy to burn)

 The view near the top

 I took a break on the chair I have never had time to sit on before

And of course, another smartarse moment caught on camera

The Sound Shell - location of summer music etc

 A view of the Tree House from below

 Someone showing off his "guns"...he suggested that perhaps they were only derringers

I also wanted to share the view I saw on the way home last week...

 A view of the moon about 8.30pm, our house is to the left of the moon

It was just really beautiful

A few answers to some ABC's...

(A) Age: 37
(B) Bed Size: Queen
(C) Chore You Hate: Cleaning the shower.
(D) Dogs? Meh, sometimes I want one but it isnt fair cos we are gone from 7.00am until about 6.30pm
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Clean teeth and a coffee
(F) Favorite Color: Red (closely followed by black)
(G) Gold or Silver? Gold, rose gold to be specific.
(H) Height: 5'7"ish (apparently I have shrunk from just over 5'7" to just under when measured for BMI measurements)
(I) Instruments You Play: Previously, Piano 2 years, Violin 8 years, Alto recorder - 4 years
(J) Job Title: Personal Assistant (well until three weeks ago Executive Assistant)
(K) Kids: yes my relatives have them :) I have 12 nieces and nephews, but maybe soon (weight loss essential and have to get off blood pressure pills as they cause birth defects)
(L) Live: New Zealand
M) Mom's Name:  Robyn and Christine (adoptive and first)
(N) Nicknames: Moggy Mo
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? 3 nights for donating a kidney, 1 night for lapband, several while accompanying others to Emergency.
(P) Pet Peeve: slow drivers in the passing lane
(Q) Quote from a Movie: "Sid Garner: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you" - The Hangover
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right.
(S) Siblings:  3 older adoptive brothers, 2 younger half sisters and probably more
(T) Time You Wake Up?  if I go to bed at night 5.30am, but anywhere between then and 7.00am
(U) Underwear: Since puting on weight...big girls pants but always previously Hipsters, but love these eitherway thunderpants.
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Artichoke
(W) What Makes You Run Late: Usually unable to find either a hairbrush or keys. But this closely followed by hubby doing something or looking for belt.
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: arm, knee, chest
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Desserts, ever since I was about 14 I love making desserts, but probably most requested in Banoffee Pie.
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Otters or Meerkats

Wow what a difference a few days makes...

I never quite made it for an unfill, technical issues at work, it would have helped if I had a working phone!

Anyway so the weekend rolls round, I am being super cautious cos although I ate well on Thursday (I was bad and had chinese, but it comes with lots of soft meats and sauces) I was still pretty tight over the weekend. Now others had asked if maybe Iwas tight cos it was my TOM, but that wasnt due until about the 18th...well what do you know it arrived on the afternoon of the12th (Sat), which explains in part why I was so tight last week!

Of course I tried to eat half a scone yesterday morning (Sunday)...luckily I ate very slowly and it was only the last mouthful that was difficult.

But today I had yoghurt with protein powder added for breakfast, and I was full for ages, I had forgotten what it was like to stay full that long. And I was super bad and had chinese again...I think that was enough, have kind of gone off it now. But I can eat again! I mean I am still being super careful and I think bread in any large portions is off the menu now, goodbye Subway!

But on the plus side I weighed in this morning at 114.8 (approx 253 lbs).....wohoo. I always loose weight at the start of my TOM.

Help....am I too tight?

I had a fill last Friday of 0.4, since then I have stuck and slimed three times.

First I think was on Sunday, no biggy, eventually went down with lots of sliming (can't remember what it was).

Then on Tuesday I had some pork minute steaks which were obviously too dry, even though I had sauce with it and cut it tiny and chewed, chewed, chewed, I got a little slimy and bought up a timy bit of the last of it.

Yesterday I had my normal yoghurt and cereal for breakfast, ate about half (and it was a little painful going down). For lunch I got a 6" sub, ate about half (mostly just the insides - I know! I shouldnt be eating the bread but the wrap just wasnt calling me).

And so for dinner I thought I would play it safe and have scrambled eggs, cos who gets stuck/vomits on scrambled eggs?

Oh right, that would be me....

Sigh...

Am I just not paying attention enough?

Because I only seem to get stuck in the evening (which is lucky cos last night was a three hour effort). I do try to concentrate on chewing and small bites but less so in the evening. And ok I eat on the couch, but I always have, I try not to have the tv on, but the couch is comfortable and you can sit up and eat.

Now the scales are feeling the love, I am two kilo's (4.4lb) down from Friday's weigh in, and I arent really hungry much, but this getting stuck is getting to be a pain.

I am considering getting an unfill, at least partially cos not even enjoying the little bit I am eating, which isnt a great way to live. Or should I just wait for it to settle down a bit more?

Fill number 3...take two

Can't beleive it's been two weeks since I last posted.

I have been flat tack with work, we moved offices (and agency), and so it is like all the team are starting a new job and no one knows what is going on. On the plus side all the stress seems to have completely dropped off since Tuesday. And while I have had some slow moving food episodes there were no stuck or sliming.

So today I went to get my fill and on weighing myself today, I had gone back up since last week. Infact in two weeks I have lost 0.1 kilograms (0.2 lbs).  But even though I was getting stuck all the time, my portions had gotten quite big and I never seemed to be full.

So she gave me a 0.4 fill and it seems pretty much a good amount.

After my fill I felt much better, I ate a biscuit for pre lunch, then about 2.00pm I had about half a vegetable quiche. For dinner it was some salami, some choc cake (hey I deserved it!) and an iceblock. And yeah my portions were so small.

But having said that my exercise has been atrocious, not helped by the fact that I am no longer in the building with my walking buddies, in fact I am now several blocks from them and that is a little depressing. But I have to find my motivation and keep going, next week is a new week and I will just have to fit in my walks.

Fill number three...or not

Well I went for my fill appointment today and because of everything going on in my life we decided to put it off for another 2 weeks.

My office is being relocated into another department, and the entire move etc was only announced a few weeks before Xmas, and I managed to ignore it over the break but now we are back and it is becoming a hard reality, unfortunately we have a few staff members from a really tight team who arent coming with us, but I seem to have a list of things to do that never ends, in fact my desk space looks pretty much like this

On Tuesday's appointment I had a session and weigh in with the dietician, and a session with their physiotherapist. Both are really helpful and the physio gave me a lot of pointers with my damaged knee and back and also to ensure toning!

But to top this morning off, I had lost another 800 grams (1.7 lb), since Tuesday! So unless I am getting really hungry, a fill is probably not worth it, as I got stuck again on Wednesday night. Apparently corn is no longer on my favourites list! I think stress is making the band much tighter, not to mention it is my TOM as well.


.....Soooo about lunchtime today, I thought I would top my day off with a visit to the Dr for a few things, because that's always fun right?


I got a little something for constipation - yes I AM drinking lots of water but as it is mid summer it just doesnt seem enough.

But the good news....

She has lowered my blood pressure dosage! When she checked it it was 120/84, and that was her third try, apprently she had great problems hearing it properly. So I now take 10mg in the morning and 5 mg at night instead of 10 at both. We will check it agian in three months.

Well all new experiences!

Well I went back to work this week and thought maybe that would get me back on track, as I was grazing all day.

Mon and Tues, good eating, walking up hills at lunch..... and no weight loss. I was getting quite annoyed and disappointed, but I knew I had added the protein I really needed to my diet, but it was frustrating.

Wednesday I get home from work, start on dinner - after deciding not to eat the chicken because it looked dodgy, I decide to have the three potatoes I had made with them as I was starving  - BIG MISTAKE!

Of course cooking it all for longer had made them extra crispy...and sure enough I got stuck...and stayed stuck for about an hour.

There was much sliming...oh gross, the first time it was out the nose and the mouth. And the froth...ick! After an hour I knew the worst offender had gone down but there were probably had some more there...and sure enough the next slime brought up a small amount of potatoe pieces.

I never want to do that again.

On the plus side the next morning I had lost 1.3 kilo's (2.87 pounds). I figured maybe it was all slime (and not much for dinner).

Then this morning when I hopped on the scales for weigh in day I had lost another 0.5 kilo's (1.1 pound)!!!!!

Now admittedly I did two walks of an hour each yesterday but wow I had actually gone up to 119.3 (263 pounds) after weigh in last week and then I have ended at 117.5 (259 pounds)

I was worried I might have damaged the band but it felt much better today.  But at least I feel like finally I am making progress, I was beginning to feel a little disheartened.

I came to a realisation that previously over the christmas break I had always lost weight while grazing at home...now that I no longer am over eating the rest of the year grazing actually means I put ON weight...damn, no more happy cow grazing!

Well what do you know...a gain and 111 day challenge

As I begin my 50lbs in 111 days I realised that oops I started up on where I was earlier in December, So my starting weight for the challenge will be 119.6.

Luckily it appears the last box of chocolates has been finished, I had lots of water today and ate my actual meals, rather than grazing (which is my traditional Christmas holiday style).

One thing I have noticed is that normally for me, over the holiday period, I lose weight. And I was wondering about why this didnt seem to be the case now that I have the band.

...and I realised that while my grazing is more calories than I need, it was actually less calories than I ate at any other time of the year. Now how mind blowing is that!



Unfortunately I also discovered a few other things do not agree with the band for me

• Christmas cake, so hubby has had to eat an entire from his mother (she makes fab cake).
• Bacon (I got bacon and egg for breakfast this morning)
• Fizzy drinks
• Bread & pastry (well larger than half a slice)

So I will stock up the fridge tomorrow as it is shopping day and I know fruit will be on special and we will kick off the 111 days properly.