A day full of realisations...

Mostly that I need to take it easy and think through my eating a little more carefully! But also the following...

* don't think just cos you have had the odd sip on an empty stomach that somehow after eating a full meal to take a swig of lemonade (yes fizzy!)...I spent the next 20 minutes in the bathroom as close to PBing as I care to get - how can one mouth produce so much saliva?

* hair loss, I was just over at Stealing Skinny's blog and I was reading a comment on her In a slump post when I realised "duh" that is why so much hair is falling out, shoot I put on a clean shirt and five minutes later it is covered in hair, I pull all that off and five minutes later...again it is covered in hair! Yes it has been only 2.5 months but the hair has obviously decided to come out early! Luckily I was blessed with a lot of hair.

Today I spent the morning/midday at my fathers house mowing lawns and weeding, and just generally being. It was his birthday today and he would have been 71.

I miss him terribly, but luckily he always was one to tell us to get off our arses and do stuff. So after laying on his couch for ten minutes I could just about hear him telling me to get up and do some actual work...and no two hours on his lawn wasnt work!

Usually right now we would be getting ready to go to his place for a BBQ for his birthday.

Last years was special because he was organising a jamboree and all his friends were there, so we organised a surprise party and all our family came. He was unlike his usual self - he was lost for words and simply said he was so humbled and proud that all his family and friends were there (he is usually MC for things like this so for him to be lost for words meant a lot).



Love you forever Dad



Second fill, same as the last....

Well not quite the same, but all was fine.

I had the fill nurse (you only get the dr every few times) and she was lovely. She checked how much I actually had in the band - turns out to be 4.6ml (including the 0.5 she put in today).

The fill really seems to have made a wee difference as even coming back from the fill my hunger had dropped (I had forgotten to eat breakfast before going at 8.45am...).

And I was lucky as we had our work Xmas lunch, drinkies etc yesterday, so I indulged a few glasses and even ate a sausage - which I have been told I should no longer eat after this fill - the BBQ season has arrived and apparently sausages are a great cause of unfill's!

I had a wee nap and am not sure if that is the reason but my eggs for dinner were more than enough and also they were a little hard to get down. But I had mushified some cheese & soft crackers earlier which was no problem, so I think the sleep had let it tighten up a bit.

This fill will keep me going through to the 20th of Jan, but I am feeling pretty good about this amount

On the weightloss side, on their scales I had lost 2.3 kilo's (5 pounds) in two weeks. I was pretty happy with that.

Just close your eyes...there is no needle. there is no needle!

Well I had my first fill yesterday...

No pain, apart from him trying to find the port. But it was all over in seconds (hubby watched). Good thing I still have quite the fat roll (and boobs) so i couldnt see it anyway!

Of course there were lots of probing questions. Mostly to get a picture of where I was and any risky behaviours (such as my love affair with open sweet items).  It was helpful having hubby there as Dr pointed out he has a part of the control in making sure these things aren’t in the house to tempt me etc (he doesnt know but hubby has in the past been the supplier of said items!). Interestingly he compared much of this to alcoholism.

I only had 0.75ml fill as he wasn’t sure if 1.00ml might be too much, so we settled in between. This means I am at 4.75ml (they put 4 mls in when the band was installed). But I have another fill in two weeks so no biggie. I will probably get another 0.5 or 0.75 which will take me to either 5.25 or 5.5 mls

Also saw the dietician afterwards and we decided that I should focus on my portion size and water consumption over the next few weeks as my portions have gotten bigger than I thought they should be...she was happy that I had lost another kilo during our time away – pretty good considering we were eating out for most meals.

So I was on soft foods following the fill, had eggs for dinner and breakfast this morning was yoghurt and cereal. Lunch was mince and mashed potato. All seems fine and so far I have had no stuck episodes so the dietician was happy with that. 

While I have definitely felt that there was a fill I still haven’t got the completely full feeling I was having at one point, but much more than last week, so I will go with that.

Got control of my eating...by feeling sick to my stomach

This is a post I wrote two/three weeks ago.....finally feel able to post it.  Sorry I fell off the radar but it was too hard to write about stuff.

Well during the weekend I managed to get control of my eating, and as of today (Tues 5.00am) I am down to 122.6kg. I even managed to eat fish and chips on Sunday about 6.00pm, which was just as well as after 7.00pm I havent really felt like eating...

On Sunday, hubby and me went to visit the place my Dad lived for the last 10 years (he managed a camp ground) and it was a little hard emotionally as it has been two months since my Dad died, but it was so nice to be out there as it is incredibly peaceful. We spent a lot of time out there as a family.

Here we are at one of our Annual Easter Egg Hunt from a couple of years ago (They truly are more like a hike!)

So after we arrived home Sunday evening, we received a call with the news that hubby's friend had died.

Neither of us slept that night.  I cannot even fathom the pain for his family. He had been friends with hubby's family for so long, he even used to call hubby's mum on a regular basis. He was best man at our wedding and honestly I can't stop crying, a bad year for us.

We spent two weeks in the UK, attended hubby's friends funeral, visited my Dads family and despite all the eating out/over eating I came back about a kilo lighter.

Well look at that fat arse going!

So I thought I should share some comparison shots,

OK they are only a month apart but luckily I tell that my chins and stuff seem to be disappearing - a good sign!

and of course I couldnt resist

The blimp has arrived....

I havent posted in a wee while probably because I have gained...and that was just too depressing.

I know it isnt huge and this is the first week on solids, and back at work...but the last few days I went from 122.6 up to 122.9 and then 123.1. And that is with an hour walking everyday, up a steep hill.

I do know that I seem to have no restriction and it takes heaps (comparatively) to get me full...and I have eaten too much in some meals.

But I am trying to really restrict the amount and make sure there is protein. I mean I am not just eating anything, soup and cream cheese for lunch, chicken wrap for dinner etc and I know it isnt my TOM as that was last week!

I don't get a fill until the 18th of November, that is just about 5 weeks after surgery. I think I might ring the clinic's dietician tomorrow if I go up again!

This weight loss thing is weird

OK, all last week all I lost was 1 kilo (it was very short Aunt Flow time) and then in the last two days I have lost 1.5 kilo's.

I know having my period can really stuff things up but loosing that much in two days is even odder as I am really starting my third week which with my Dr is soft normal foods.

So for example I had scrambled eggs for breakfast, fresh salmon chunks and fruit for lunch, chicken thigh and fruit for dinner. And I wasnt really hungry until not long before mealtime.

I am dreading Monday though as it is back to work and that is going to be difficult to manage. I know one place I can get lunch from, but otherwise it will have to be taken and I havent really thought about what that will be.

What do others eat for lunch?

Am I torturing myself?

Or just found some motivation to do stuff..

This afternoon DH and his father cut our picture railing to put up (mitring is not my strong suit). And although my MIL bought baking for afternoon tea (she is a fab baker) I decided to make lemon muffins....

(we have a lemon tree which I trimmed this morning so a few had to come off the tree)

I have no idea why, when it's not like I can eat one even. So then I realised DH could take them for his team to thank them for all their support over the last month or so when my Dad was dying and DH had to take time off. So I made two dozen.

In case you like the sound of them...


Crunchy Lemon Muffins

2     cups self raising flour
3/4   cup sugar

75    grams butter
1      cup milk
1      egg
grated rind of 1 large or 2 small lemons

1/4   cup lemon juice
1/4   cup sugar

Mix together flour and sugar into one bowl.
Melt butter, add milk, egg and lemon rind and beat well with fork.
Add liquids to dry ingredients and combine only until dry ingredients are lightly dampened.

Bake at 200 degrees celsius for ten minutes.

Stir together lemon juice and sugar, and drizzle over hot muffins as soon as they are removed from oven. I find it easier to brush it on if they raise conical like above picture.

Makes 6 large or 12 medium muffins

(note that I make my own self raising flour - 2 cups plain flour, 2 teaspoon baking powder, 1 tespoon baking soda, 1/8th of a teaspoon of salt)

Mmmmm scrambled eggs

I am so glad to be able to move on to mushies and just enjoyed scrambled eggs for lunch...nom nom

I spent this morning weeding the garden and tying stuff up and then came inside and watched hubby painting the hallway..and we still feel lazy cos the guy next door is building a new deck - and we know he will have finished it by the end of the weekend (he is incredibly motivated and builds something like this regularly)

Thousand Word Thursday...

well maybe 500 words

..because when I went to find them I could only find one shoe...

I bravely asked hubby to take off the strips...haha

So today was an ok day, I managed to get around a bit and the pain seems to not be as bad


I also took a picture of my stomach after I took my strips off ...

(the red circles are my previous surgery laroscopic scars - the blue circles, this times)

Day 3 post op..or is it 4?

Well it all went pretty smoothly, except the whole getting a cold again the day before the op!

I rang the surgeon the night before and he said just to come in and the anaethetist would make the call. So I as pretty nervous when I turned up as I was also having a bit of asthma too.

They ended up giving a nebuliser for the asthma and when checking my oxygen levels they came up as too low. So they bumped me a place in the list, so they could recheck. I think it was because she was taking my blood pressure, my oxygen levels, my temperature all at the same time and then I coughed hugely at that point!

Luckily when they checked it again about 30 minutes later it was fine, and they checked again on the way to surgery and it was fine too, but it made it really unsure right up to the surgery door!

Most of my pain seems to be where the band is, with some around the port when I stretch. Had a fair amount of gas and had a small amount of shoulder pain but that went pretty quickly, but it was easier than my other abdominal surgery.

So the first day was a breeze, unfortunately then you get to go home and for me all the pain killers (including panadol) seem to give me immediate and overwhelming nausea...which I have meds for, but am only allowed that four times a day...

I also had to go to after hours and get liquid antibiotics as I had the start of a chest infection - it isnt fun coughing up flem newly banded!

Dr there also gave me some codeine to try instead of panadol, but I am terrified  I am gonna end up nauseous, but I have to give it a go as I only have 8 tramadol left which is a days worth!

I am only just managing to get enough liquid down. I just feel out of it still, luckily hubby could work from home today. I am sure I will be better tomorrow. Now if I could just have my vitamins I would be completely on track.

I am a little nervous about taking my incision covers off tomorrow (as per instructions) I wasn nearly as nervous last time I had them off - probably cos we had lots of Dr's visits following the surgery, where as this you are pretty much left alone!

Two days to go..getting excited!

Spoke to the anesthetist tonight. She gave me advice about my asthma (it's been flaring up) and answered some other questions I had.

She said compared to kidney donation I will fly through it. Great to know, cos the donation thing I was 25 kilo's lighter and three years younger.

My weight is coming down slowly and my clothes are getting looser.

On another subject entirely - hubby went to the vet to pick up cat food...and spotted a cat that needs a new home.

I was surprised he didnt arrive home with her  but suspect she may soon have a new home (just call me soft touch). Despite the fact that we shouldnt as we still want to go overseas :) She looks exactly like our other cat and her name is MoMo (yes...like my name)

Day 8 of pre-op diet

Well woke up this morning to less coughing and flem, so looks like the cold is going.

And a nice surprise of a drop to 131.0 ( after two days of gains that was nice).

I realised that because I have a cold as well I just wasnt having enough water so yesterday I had 2.25 litres of water, plus many cups of tea, and some zero cokes. Funnily I was still thirsty when I went to bed so whenever I woke up I made sure I had a few sips of water as well.

I have also learnt:

• zero coke taste terrible straight after eating vegetables
• liquid optifast is great if really really cold - and you can hold out for it to cool down
• optifast cappucino bars are icky (luckily my clinic lets you swop your supplies)
• bacon smells really nice

But just in case I was feeling too much like it was all going the right direction when I rushed out this morning to drop off my voting papers (local elections) I jumped in the car and pulled my back...

I always have trouble after hubby drives - he has short legs so puts the chair really far forward. So if I get in after him I nearly always hurt my back grrr.

My revenge is he is plastering/painting the hallway. He realised last night when I made him take my pics that the hallway needed finishing (it is all stripped back and mostly plastered - he just has to finish off around the lights etc.)

So the good news is

That I have no infection (as I thought) and it is simply a cold and should be gone by next week. The nurse at the clinic was happy with that as long as the dr had actually listened to my chest and sure there wereno other infections.

Down another half kilo or so to 131.2. Thats 5.2 down, so I am all on track for next week.

I can see and feel the difference in my cheeks and my thighs mostly. Can't wait to start loosing after the op as well...and hopefully not feel as hungry!

Why so much stressiness?

Well it's day 5 of pre op diet, apart from two tiny bits of cheese I am pretty much sticking too it. But it definately has slowed down yesterday.

(the cat's pills had to be hidden in cheese hence the reason I was even near it)

This may be because I was off sick and did no moving really at all.

You see I caught a chill on Friday night....unfortunately I now need to call the clinic and find out what I do.

Now normally a chill ends in me on antibiotics for at least a week if not two, (after developing a nasty chest and ear infection), followed sometimes a nebuliser and much ventolin. Not a great pre surgery plan!

But I decided to see my homeopath and got treatment that seems to have really pulled back the scale of the problem. Oh yeah and I took care of myself, keeping warm etc. And today I woke up coughing up only a little flem and snotty, but definately not how I usually am with this thing.

What's the problem I hear you ask?

Well I realised the instructions said to stop taking ALL alternative treatments two weeks before surgery. Ack I have a feeling they are gonna want to postpone.

Oh and I have to take the cat to the vet, he suffers from stress and this causes him to get blocked....poor boy, unfortunately I didnt seem to start his medication early enough to stop it this time so vet time it is.

Well that wasnt very nice...

As today was my first day of pre-op diet I thought I better go in to the clinics office and get myself weighed (I can walk past there during my lunchtime walk) and what do you know...I have actually put on weight!

I kid you not...I went up to 136.4, I gained 2 kilo's in the last two months. Bahhh

I mean mentally I know it was because my life has been in up heaveal for months. But I still thought I had held off gaining any weight.

I know for three weeks there I ate take away's for about two meals a day (my Dad was dying so daily visits were quite long). But then I was pretty good the last two weeks...

Well until last night...my last meal was also my cousins 39th. She had a cake party to celibrate,  so I had banana, cheesecake, rum balls, choc brownies, and a lovely lovely decorated cake from her sis (amazing cake maker!).

So I just went out to drop hubby off at a concert and thought,  "I need to buy a new digital scale", cos the one we have is hard to tell what it is sitting on numbers wise.

I think it is pretty close to the dr's as with jeans on and a meal eaten, I was 136.7, roll on surgery!

Thank you to all my new followers and for their lovely comments! I defintely look forward to the challenges and TRIUMPHS ahead.

Now if I could just stop looking in the fridge...

You're gonna do what?

"you really wanna do that?"


Things I am scared about....

• I might have a heart attack..or die
• My mother won't forgive me (she doesn't know yet and wouldn't approve but I hate keeping her in the dark)
• That I don't loose the weight - and those that know I have had it done will know I failed
• That I don't break my habits and become a cheat
• I won't be able to drink alcohol - silly really as I don't drink now, but whenever I have dieted I have started and used it as a reward for staying on track (not heaps usually one glass with some nice cheese!)
• Having a completely different diet to hubby and not being able to enjoy eating out together
• Loosing the weight and becoming a different person - and not one that hubby likes (kind of weird as he has known me through many weights)
• Excess skin - what more can I say!

"As it happens - Yes"

But then this is why

• I might have that heart attack or develop diabetes anyway
• I won't hate shopping for clothes - or end with me in tears
• My damaged knee will be able to cope and the other one won't get worse
• I will like summer again because I won't sweat like a hog just walking from the car to the office
• We can travel again and I won't mind going to concerts with hubby (now I am too embarrassed)
• Able to do up the seat belt in the 4WD (for some reason they think only small people buy 4WD's and the belt is tiny)
• My blood pressure will be under control
• No longer risking my one kidney to diabetes (which after I donated one to hubby, discovered diabetes ran in my family)
• My nieces and nephews won't be able to say "she's got a big ass" (can't blame them for saying it - it's true)
• Being able to do family activities
• Having confidence when going to a job interview. Rather than wondering whether I should have bought a new suit cos obviously I have put on weight since I last wore it, and man my feet hurt in these heels (no wonder I wouldn't get through an interview my mind just wouldn't be there)

I don't think I am miraculously going to be happy because I loose weight but I know it is something that makes me miserable.

There are other things in my life that will have to change, but really they have been on hold for many reasons and none of them exist once I have this surgery. The last one was staying in my job so I could afford it.